Confidence and Competence are like two sides of a coin.

It is hard to have one without the other. I had always wanted to downhill ski...but I was afraid of heights and could never get the courage to get on the chair lift so no chance of skiing for me. Until one year I got up the courage to give it a try and a small ski hill near Calgary. It was not that bad once I got on the chair, I just closed my eyes and my sister let me know when we got near the top and after a little anxiety I got off and glided to the edge of the run.

That's when it hit me. I don't have any Competence at skiing!

At that point the fear was overwhelming and I felt like I could not move. In the self-confidence session I facilitate we use a definition of self-confidence as a "feeling that we can make a decision or take an action". And in my situation I did not feel like I could do either. After much deliberation and weighing my options of walking down the hill, or falling down the hill, I decided to at least give it a try.

I went until I got too close to the trees and fell losing both skis. The feeling as I collected myself and the missing skis was exhilarating. I could not wait to go again, and so I was hooked on skiing. A bit of confidence had let a bit of competence develop to start the process. It could have just as easily been the other way. Sometimes someone comments on our abilities and suggests we may have some competence that we follow up on and end up finding a new passion in life.

Whichever way you work it remember you can start with either one, confidence or competence, they key is to Decide and Do.